You truly feel the importance of today when someone dear to you passes. Until then, it will be just a thought that’s hanging somewhere in your consciousness that hasn’t touched you yet.
Death is plain harsh. It is hard to accept. But it also shows you the real beauty of the life you have at hand.
We handle death in different ways. Speaking plainly out of what I experienced a few weeks back: It came in different stages for me. It began with shock and confusion. It then moved on to denial and disbelief. Then it became sadness and yearning. Then anger. And then finally despair and guilt. It takes time to subdue these feelings. The stronger you are, the sooner you may recover.
He was a dear friend who fought cancer and came out victorious. It was a beautiful feeling for everyone. I for one was beyond happy when I learned how someone so chilled out and laid back like he turned into a believer when this blessing touched his life. Things couldn’t get better.
I can’t comprehend what happened next. The cancer was back, and this time it was much worse. But the relapse didn’t give him much time. One second I heard he was sick. Moments later he was on a ventilator. And in no time, we learned that he was taken from us. [Shock and Uncertainty]
I went through our old chats, all of it. It didn’t make sense that it was all over. That it could never happen again. If I send him a text today, I won’t even get a double tick! [Denial and Disbelief]
Then we learned he had deactivated his profile. It felt like he saw it coming. He was prepared for what was in store. He didn’t want anyone to mourn loudly. Felt like he took it all in peace. [Sadness and Yearning]
As I went through our stages of friendship, I noticed those moments that we took for granted. Moments when we had the chance to meet or talk, or do something and it just didn’t happen because of how busy life had made us. If only I’d picked up the phone and spoke to him, or if I’d be around when he visited and not in another country. If I’d told him I was there if he needed someone to just shell out his pain. I could have had a few more moments, a fresher memory of him. [Anger, Despair, and Guilt]
Maybe it’s good we didn’t get a chance to catch up. Because it has given me a chance to still remember him as a healthy and happy guy. Someone who had only laughter to share, who was crazy and silly till the end.
It also got me fixated on an idea: To make more effort to appreciate the wonderful life given to us; To appreciate the people in our lives. “Nothing quite brings out the zest for life in a person like the thought of their impending death.”
Haven’t we all tried to reason out why certain things happen (to us or around us)? It’s hard to find an answer justifiable enough to subdue our sorrows. The only thing that ever made sense to me personally was: The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.
Nobody promised us a tomorrow. The only thing we can count on is TODAY. Embrace it!